Winter Break, Warp-Speed Showers & Angry Children.

1. Ethnomusicology/EfNOmusicology/When-the-&*%!-am-I-Ever-Going-to-Use-This-Information-ology (call it what you will) is officially OVER. I took the final, I did my stupid presentation on Bollywood in which I talked about this famous chick named Deepika Somethingorother who is the international spokesperson for Maybelline... and now I am done. This is a wonderful thing. Part of me will miss a FEW things about that class, but, overall, this is good.

2. I am about to take a shower in the theatre building. For those of you who haven't read my previous post, I SLEPT in this building the night before last. The amount of time I spend in here is borderline ridiculous. BUT ... here is the thing: our hot water heater at home is broken.

If you have talked to me for more than 20 minutes, I have probably informed you that having dirty hair is one of my biggest pet peeves. It drives me absolutely insane, and I feel like I might as well just not exist on the planet for the time that my hair is swimming in grease. (I know...gross visual, but accurate. I may be twenty, but my hair thinks I am still eleven.)

So, I like to wash my hair. But every time I get in the shower at home, it's like "oh, here is some hot water while you put shampoo in your hair but OH WAIT NOW IT IS GONE." and my shower turns into a mad dash to get the heck out of there asap.

SO... showers happen at school. This place contains hot water. Problem solved.

EXCEPT OH WAIT: Christmas break begins this evening so I will not be at school anymore. Our water heater will not be fixed until Tuesday. Everyone's excited about this.

3. Fun Fact: This week, I gave a presentation which included hand-made "puppets". I found faces for these puppets by google image searching things such as: "angry girl", "angry boy" and "Flo Progressive Commercial". Yeah. Thanks, Google.


That's all for now...

HAPPY WINTER BREAK!!!!!!!

-Lauren

I Do Not Live On Campus...But I've Been Creeping Around Here All Night Long. (the terror that is exam week)

6:04 am.
MY PAPER IS DONE AND HANDED IN.

handing in this paper involved a ridiculous amount of complications:

1. i don’t live on campus, so i decided to camp out in the theatre building to write my paper. in the middle of the night, when i had FINALLY finished writing it, i trekked from the theatre building to another building where they had a computer lab and a printer.

2. printed off the paper. needed a staple for it. there was no stapler in the computer lab.

3. back to the theatre building for said staple. the door to the theatre locked behind me when i left.

4. by the grace of god, a campus police man had come to let some other girl into the theatre building, so i got let in and could staple the stupid thing.

5. off through the cold to the building where my paper was due. it was locked.

6. i stood out in the cold for a few minutes until (again, by ridiculous magic) some kid happened to be walking out of there at 5:30 in the morning. he let me in.

7. i find my teacher’s office where my paper needs to go. it is behind a locked door. (SERIOUSLY?! I AM LITERALLY ONE DOOR AWAY FROM BEING DONE WITH THIS.)

8. i recall from half an hour ago that campus police unlocks random doors in the middle of the night.

9. my phone has 10% battery. it’s now or never. i call campus police and sound ridiculous, explaining to them that i literally needed to get into that corridor NOW to slip my paper in the envelope outside the door to her office or else i knew i would fall asleep right there in the hallway and never wake up again and miss the deadline and fail my class. i get put on hold while the lady sees if she can help me. i have to listen to elevator music while i try not to pass out on the phone.

10. the lady sends this guy over to unlock the door. my life is complete.

11. this is the same guy who unlocked the other building from before. he asked if i’d gotten my staple. we are sort of friends now.

12. I TURN IN MY PAPER.

13. back through the cold to the theatre building.

14. i am currently on a prop couch outside the faculty offices & i intend on sleeping here after i post this and then somehow making the hour drive back to my house. i have another final to study for today.

Sondheim, Wagner, Candy, Coffee, Cat.

On My Bed:
One cat.
One king size Kit Kat bar
One 20 oz. cup of Turkey Hill coffee. Irish cream and vanilla flavor shots. Vanilla creamer. Vanilla and chocolate powder in the shake-y containers. (I made this myself.)
6 Books. I have yet to open any of them.

Feeling:
Awake, but unfocused.

TIME: 11:11 pm.
Wish: It's a secret.

The Task: Finish this Paper.

Ready, Set, Go.

Red.

Soon, I will have red hair.
I've been wanting to dye it for awhile, and now I'm finally getting a chance to!

:)

It's So Hard to be This Sexy.

Hello, blog followers.

I have a really huge announcement to make!!

I have decided, after a lot of thought, to make a career change.

I am becoming a rainwater model.

I have realized, throughout the last few years, as, over and over again, I find myself trapped in the eye of hurricane without an umbrella, that I really feel the best about my appearance when I look like I fell into a swimming pool with my clothing on. The stringy hair that clings to your face, the rivers of mascara that drip seductively down your cheeks... this is when I feel as though I am putting my best foot forward and saying to the world "HERE I AM. LOOK AT ME."

So, I have decided to launch my modeling career by creating a book entitled "Sexy Woman in the Rain", which will showcase my most attractive moments. Hopefully this will lead to my big break.

Below is a sneak peek of this project. Enjoy!


i like this one because of how my hair falls over my one eye like that.


just a fun thumbs up for having such a good time.


try not to be jealous.


you can tell here that my self-confidence is soaring.


mmmm rain hair.

Small Children and Dance Class-- I Can't Get Enough. (aka My Life is a Joke)

Obviously, somewhere along the line, I had come to the conclusion that an entire summer full of dancing with young children, acting like a swan, and doing the hula was not nearly enough humiliation for me. Oh no-- I'm back for more. Except, this time, it's on the east coast and I am not a part of Caprice's lovely little folk dancing lessons... instead I am enrolled in Kristin's Modern C/Teen B class.

Let me tell you a little bit about this evening:

I am (obviously) in a class with a bunch of small children, some kids who look my age (and by "look my age", I mean that they are probably in high school) and this girl (Molly) who I was in a show with this summer and who knows all about my extraordinary dancing abilities.

These small children who are in this class with me are legit. One of them happens to be a kid I used to babysit...which is really awesome because I lap her in age and she is 900 times more flexible than I will ever be and sometimes her mom stands outside the door and watches.

So, okay... tonight, somewhere in the midst of "RUN, RUN, PIKE, BACKWARD ROLL!!!!!" I end up summersaulting into little Katie Lewis...yes, the one I used to babysit when I was twelve. Again, this is really great. Not only am I in a class with this girl, but I even went the extra mile to ensure that I smashed into her while showing off my many talents.

To quote Molly: "the pike was phenomenal... until you came down from said lovely jump and landed all over that 10 year old."


Watch out, Broadway-- the superstar dancer is back.

-Lauren

I Need to Stop Pretending Like Baking is a Good Hobby For Me to Pursue. (Part Nine Million and Four.)

I was inspired by this lovely little video here to create beet cake.

http://vimeo.com/24243147

look how calm everyone is during this process.
listen to the lovely music.
this is a baker's utopia where flour is kept in pretty little drawers and everything is in slow motion.

...I hate my life.

Here was MY beet-cake-baking experience:


I pour myself a wonderful glass of sparking grape juice (the classy i'm-only-twenty version of baking with wine)



I decide to cut the recipe in half after realizing that I do not have enough butter for a whole recipe. I am obviously far too lazy to go to the store to purchase more. This decision, however, leaves me with measurements such as "1.5 eggs" and ".125 tsp salt". My own intelligence astounds me.

I puree some slimy beets, add my 1.5 eggs, sift a whole bunch of random crap together, and do all of the other tasks that look as though they were completed with such ease and peacefulness in the absurd video above. This is what we have going on at this point:



I then go to get the mixer to whip it all together.

Here is what I find in the bowl that belongs to said mixer:



Excellent. A freaking tarantula.

I scrap the mixer idea and stir everything together with a knife. (At this point, why not?)

Right about now, I am wanting to swap my sparkling grape juice with a bit of this:



I then shove the beet concoction in the oven for about five years and wait for the thing to bake.

All I can say is: this had better be the best freaking cake I have ever tasted.

A More Serious Post Stemming From Some Very Late Night Thinking

i love theatre.

i do.

obviously… i am majoring in it.

however, there are other things i love too, that, for the past few years, i have forgotten about…and sometimes i feel like my life has become about “getting a part” or training to be the best i can be…which isn’t bad…but theatre cannot be my entire life. it isn't healthy. and i feel like things are missing from my life. things i used to love.

i forgot that i really like kids. [i pretend that they annoy me…but i like them a lot.] :)

i like to go car camping.

i like wearing friendship bracelets and t-shirts and gym shorts.

i like going to camp.

i like cooking with friends.

i like sleepovers.

i like creative writing.

i like softball.

sometimes, i forget about these things.

and a part of me forgot that i can still be of value even if i am not the most talented person in the room. fighting to be being the best all the time is not what life is about. it is not where my worth comes from, and, quite frankly, it is tiring and i am tired of doing it. theatre is not everything. and it does not define me. I am not Lauren: actor, singer, dancer— in that order.

I am Lauren, a person with a lot of interests that I miss exploring.

Home Alone Blues.

I AM SO BORED.

I have watched more than my fair share of TV, applied to be on a game show, surfed the internet until my eyes hurt, made crepes, got my hair cut and colored, and now am out of things to do.

I've always wanted to be a writer. Ever since I was young. So... maybe I will do that now. I will be a writer. I will spend my days drinking iced tea (note to self: buy iced tea) and writing wonderful stories.

It's Party Time...?

So, my father is in California and my mother is in New York.

What does this mean?

I am home alone.



When is the huge party I am planning on throwing, you may be asking yourself?

Well, not tonight, because I have been otherwise occupied.

Let tell you about my thrilling day...

I spent the morning on the road. I (naturally) got lost multiple times on my way home. In fact, I had to pay the toll twice before figuring out how the heck to get back to my house. It felt like every time I got lost, I would magically appear in front of another toll booth (since technically, I stopped by four of them-- two times to get the tickets and two times to pay money.) By the end of this escapade, I was running very low on cash and found myself asking the elderly man at the booth if I was going to end up at any more of these because I basically had no money left and if I kept on getting lost I would not be able to pay the toll anymore...

[Again, please note that both of my parents are out of the state and would not have been able to help me had I been stranded alone at some toll booth in the middle of nowhere.]



So, okay, I survived and eventually made it home.

How did I spend the rest of the day, you may be wondering?

WASTING MY LIFE AWAY.

Tumblr, Facebook, Youtube...


[SO BORED.]



As of late, I have been eating chocolate Tootsie Roll Pops, drinking soda, unsuccessfully attempting to take pictures with my cats, and have decided to see what this whole Shark Week thing is about.






Maybe I should just go to bed...

It Is Now August, So Here is a List of Some Things That Annoy Me.

1. What temperature is it?!

It is summer. Therefore, you sweat your face off outside and you freeze to death inside. What does one wear in such conditions? I still haven't figured this out. Unfortunately, I feel as though the only solution is to wear summer clothing indoors but to then invest in a lovely snuggie, so you can go about your day as usual, without dying of the cold.


[they look so comfortable and climate-controlled.]

2. People on tumblr who blog about the same topics over and over.

I know, I know, "if you don't like their blogs, unfollow them"... but some of these people are my friends so I feel obligated. So I suppose I will scroll like a mad woman past all of the Harry Potter and Dr. Who postings. I just do not understand why you need to post, like, seven million of the same thing. We are all aware that you enjoy a little wizarding magic Harry Potter-ness, but we do not need captioned pictures of every single character over and over. For instance, I personally enjoy the sport of dance. However, I do not inundate others' blogs with multitudes of pictures of ballerinas because I know that one or two of such pictures gets the point across that I enjoy dancing. Done. Bam. Lauren likes dancing. We don't need this:


[AHH I LOVE DANCE.]

[DANCE IS FREAKING GREAT!!!]

[OMG IT IS MY LIIIIIFE. I AM SO INTENSE.]

[I LIKE DANCE SO MUCH I UPLOADED A PICTURE OF A SNOW GLOBE.]

3. Books on Tape.

Books on tape are impossibly obnoxious. Why can't you just read the stinkin' book?? I'm sure I hate them because, in my house, I do not listen to them, but my mother does so I am constantly hearing some random narrator man screaming from another room: "AND THEN SHE LOOKED HIM IN THE EYES AND ALL OF THE SADNESS OF THE WORLD FELL UPON HER SHOULDERS AND SHE SOBBED 'NO! I CAN'T GO ON WITHOUT YOU!!!'" and blah blah blah...

[Life is so hard...]


Welcome to August.
-Lauren

Having Friends is Hard.

Not that I am complaining, but here is the thing about having some friends...

You go places with them. Which means you spend lots of money buying food, because you go and hang out at restaurants or wherever else is open late into the night.

You come home late and you come home tired, but you MUST post the pictures of you and said friends on your facebook page so you can anxiously await the 20 comments that are bound to appear within the next hour or two, all saying "oh hahaha look at my face."

You come home late and you come home tired and you post you photos on facebook but then you still don't want to go to bed.

So you attempt to amuse yourself by stalking people on facebook and tumblr, listening to music, and finally just feeling the need to blog angsty things because the tiredness is getting the best of you and you break your "I am so intense, I have no emotions" shell thing you've been working with for the past 20 years, and here you are, alone on the sofa at 2:25 in the morning, being your young adult "life is oh so hard" self.

This, my lovely (and plentiful) blog followers, is the plight of having friends.

Or maybe it is simply the plight of being a girl.

Or the plight of being sleep deprived.

I'm not really sure.

-Lauren

3 Reasons it is too Freaking Difficult to be a Girl.

1. Society tell us to be tan.

So... I decide, following the idiot rules of society, to douse myself with this:



Yay. And we all know exactly what this is going to do. Yes, it will make me look alive and not like a freaking walking corpse... but it will also cling to my girl mustache and turn it orange. This is attractive. I could go to a tanning bed or something, but I would like to look like I'm 25 when I'm 50, so no thank you, dangerous light rays. So, here are my options: I either spend my young adult life ghostly white, or walking around like a big orange mistake. Thank you, society.

2. You have to try to match clothing.

This is not one of my special talents. I recently hung out with some friends wearing a purple tank top and navy gym shorts. Before I left the house, my mother asked me if I was going to actually wear that. I informed her that I was, but brought black gym shorts in the car with me in case I felt too mis-matchy. To save time and because I did not feel like changing my clothing in the car at the really tourist-filled parking lot... I kept the navy shorts on. I then proceeded to announce to my friends that I was aware that my clothing did not match...but it did not keep me from feeling like I had done a bad job of being a girl that morning.




(i'm in the back. you can tell because i'm the one in the purple tank top and i also look like i just crawled out of my grave, which is another great way to identify me in pictures.)

3. We are supposed to enjoy shoe shopping.

There are so many commercials with girls, like, rolling around in piles of shoes and throwing confetti and acting like it is something exciting to jam uncomfortable things onto your feet and try to teeter around and live your life.

Shoe shopping is not fun.



This picture is impossibly misleading. You cannot purchase love in the form of velvet pink stilettos.

While wearing the shoes in this picture, I would probably:

1. Complain about every five seconds. This gets old after about the second mention of the excruciating pain and wishes to take off the pink idiot shoes.
2. Take the freaking things off. This totally un-does the point of purchasing the shoes.
3. Whip out flip flops from my purse and wear them instead. Again, this defeats the purpose of shoe shopping and ruins your outfit (see #2 regarding mismatching clothing)

My idea of footwear?

1. None. Be crazy. Go barefoot.
2. Socks.
3. Flip flops.

There you have it... 3 reasons it is just too freaking difficult to be a girl.

-Lauren

Boring Post About My Life

I obviously have not posted in a very long time and, in an attempt to:

1. quell boredom

and

2. post something

I have decided to make this lovely and informative post about my life.

A Few Fun Facts About Right Now:

- I have to be out of the house in eight hours. This is supposed to include sleep. I hate my life.
- At 8 am I will be spending my life with many small children.
- I will then go to rehearsal.
- Sleep, repeat, etc.

I Hate Everything.

...especially my internet cord.

I wrote this whole thing... and the cord had come out of my computer (as per usual) before I pressed the "publish" button... so here I am, posting instead about how I hate the world and everything in it. :)

Things I Don't Have That I Used To:

1. a working light in the ceiling in my room.

2. a moment of quiet while in my room. Thank you, karaoke superstars next door.

3. my one toenail. yay. pretty pretty princess!

4. boring nails. they are now green, orange and yellow. yesss.

Someone Please Remind Me Never To...

1. Accept vodka from this creeper in the graveyard.


2. Dye a streak of idiot color in my hair ever again.


3. Kill any more of my pets.


4. Let your mom upload her pictures from her trip to NYC with her friends onto your iphoto. You never know what you will find.





That's all for now from going through my photos. :)

The Journey Begins.

Sun In in my hair x2= check.
Freaking dark tanning lotion= check.
Randomly eating apples and forcing myself to eat vegetables= check.
Also eating pizza and cake and root beer floats= check.

One of these things is not like the other. Whoops.

Operation Goddess.

I was recently inspired by hearing a story from my friend. She informed me that a mutual friend of ours was attempting to lose weight. This particular friend looks great already...but when questioned as to why he is currently doing this, he responded with "because I want to look like a god."

I completely approve of this reasoning and have decided that I would like to be a goddess myself.
So I have turned it into a little project.

OPERATION GODDESS.


"I'm your Venus, I'm your fiiire..."



My friend Celeste is being a goddess with me. :) If she decides to blog about it, I'll put the link to hers HERE. :)


After drinking hot chocolate and eating a brownie in my Spanish class this evening, I made the decision to eat healthfully for the rest of the day/as long as I can keep this up.

This meant eating a bowl of olives and various assorted beans for dinner and stealing an apple and 3 oranges from dhall. (I was going to take two, but had to go back and get a third so that I could juggle them.)



I have decided to start eating gross things like fruit. and vegetables. and not eating desert. I don't know how long this will last.

Of course, I could not simply decide to turn myself into a goddess by merely changing my eating habits. That's incredibly boring. So...WAL-MART TRIP!!!



Celeste and I headed to Wal-Mart and I purchased these things:
1. Self-Tanning Lotion.
2. Sun In.
3. Nail Clippers (just because I needed them).
4. Nail Decals (what is a goddess without obnoxious teeny-bopper flowers on her nails!?)

SELF-TANNING LOTION:
- I will take this week to see how tan I can get. Literally. I also did not purchase the "Light/Medium" shade like an intelligent person might. I bought "Deep Dark Color". On purpose. Watch out.
- Why not just go spray-tanning? I'll tell you:
* Spray tanning is too easy. I like to do things the difficult, time-consuming way.
* It costs less and I have too many parking tickets to pay.
* Spray tans are for biddies, tanning lotion is for goddesses.


NAIL DECALS:
- They're so fun.
- I'm too lazy to actually exert effort to make my nails look nice... so instead I will slap colorful stickers on them and call it a day.

SUN IN:
- I was once told never to use this. This is exactly why I have purchased it. (Also, I want blonder hair.) I'm excited.

So, in essence, I have decided to have fun with this and attempt to goddess-ify myself by using all of the products that no one should ever purchase.

And so it begins...

Craft Night Gone Wrong.

Okay, so it's a weekend and you think to yourself: I want to do something relaxing tonight.

Recipe for Destroying Any Amount of Relaxation You Had Intended Upon Having:

1. Decide to create an at home do-it-yourself hair mask.
2. Do not use a recipe for said mask, and instead dump random amounts of milk, olive oil and lemon juice into a bowl.
3. Decide that putting dried pieces of black tea into the mixture would be fun and spa-esque.
4. Pour the mask onto your hair.
5. Realize that the pretty pieces of tea are now entangled in your hair.
6. Spend the time you were supposed to be relaxing picking leaves off of your head.
7. Enjoy. :)

My New Favorite Website.

So...just very recently (maybe half an hour ago?) I decided that I would spend less time on facebook. I wrote the previous blog post (see previous blog post) and then set about to find a new website to occupy my time.

Where did I end up you ask??



Oprah.com...where I have read a few articles written for women twice my age, and have taken a few quizzes which have shown me that I am in fact pursuing a career path that suits my personality, and also that I have an acceptable level of love for myself. Which I suppose are slightly useful things to know.

This trek to Oprah.com came about from my google search of "happy people" from the previous post...which has since led me around the site where I have gained much insight into the lives of middle-aged women.

What am I doing with my time...

Wasting My Life Away.

There are some things I would like to accomplish during my lifetime.

I would enjoy writing a book.

Or a musical.

Or doing something even slightly artistic and useful.

But I cannot do these things because I spend my entire life on FACEBOOK.


(if you don't...DO NOT GET ONE!)


This stupid website has me hooked for hours, creeping on people.

I spend my life stalking other people as they actually live theirs.


(people-- not me-- LIVING. Whaaaattt??)

Something needs to change, here!!

Cat Lady Training.

I have sent out a facebook plea about this, but I figured I would try to reach my masses of followers via this blog.

I am searching for cat names.

Why?

Because, in my angst, I have decided that I am destined to become a cat lady, and therefore I need names for said cats.

But I need the cats now... so when I am lonely and old, I will already have them, and won't feel like I had to go out and purchase them in order to mend my broken heart... but I instead "just so happened" to own many many cats at a time in my life when I needed them.

Moral of the story:
I need cat names.
Lots of them.
I will even accept food-related names, like Muffin and Cupcake at this point.