It's So Hard to be This Sexy.

Hello, blog followers.

I have a really huge announcement to make!!

I have decided, after a lot of thought, to make a career change.

I am becoming a rainwater model.

I have realized, throughout the last few years, as, over and over again, I find myself trapped in the eye of hurricane without an umbrella, that I really feel the best about my appearance when I look like I fell into a swimming pool with my clothing on. The stringy hair that clings to your face, the rivers of mascara that drip seductively down your cheeks... this is when I feel as though I am putting my best foot forward and saying to the world "HERE I AM. LOOK AT ME."

So, I have decided to launch my modeling career by creating a book entitled "Sexy Woman in the Rain", which will showcase my most attractive moments. Hopefully this will lead to my big break.

Below is a sneak peek of this project. Enjoy!


i like this one because of how my hair falls over my one eye like that.


just a fun thumbs up for having such a good time.


try not to be jealous.


you can tell here that my self-confidence is soaring.


mmmm rain hair.

Small Children and Dance Class-- I Can't Get Enough. (aka My Life is a Joke)

Obviously, somewhere along the line, I had come to the conclusion that an entire summer full of dancing with young children, acting like a swan, and doing the hula was not nearly enough humiliation for me. Oh no-- I'm back for more. Except, this time, it's on the east coast and I am not a part of Caprice's lovely little folk dancing lessons... instead I am enrolled in Kristin's Modern C/Teen B class.

Let me tell you a little bit about this evening:

I am (obviously) in a class with a bunch of small children, some kids who look my age (and by "look my age", I mean that they are probably in high school) and this girl (Molly) who I was in a show with this summer and who knows all about my extraordinary dancing abilities.

These small children who are in this class with me are legit. One of them happens to be a kid I used to babysit...which is really awesome because I lap her in age and she is 900 times more flexible than I will ever be and sometimes her mom stands outside the door and watches.

So, okay... tonight, somewhere in the midst of "RUN, RUN, PIKE, BACKWARD ROLL!!!!!" I end up summersaulting into little Katie Lewis...yes, the one I used to babysit when I was twelve. Again, this is really great. Not only am I in a class with this girl, but I even went the extra mile to ensure that I smashed into her while showing off my many talents.

To quote Molly: "the pike was phenomenal... until you came down from said lovely jump and landed all over that 10 year old."


Watch out, Broadway-- the superstar dancer is back.

-Lauren

I Need to Stop Pretending Like Baking is a Good Hobby For Me to Pursue. (Part Nine Million and Four.)

I was inspired by this lovely little video here to create beet cake.

http://vimeo.com/24243147

look how calm everyone is during this process.
listen to the lovely music.
this is a baker's utopia where flour is kept in pretty little drawers and everything is in slow motion.

...I hate my life.

Here was MY beet-cake-baking experience:


I pour myself a wonderful glass of sparking grape juice (the classy i'm-only-twenty version of baking with wine)



I decide to cut the recipe in half after realizing that I do not have enough butter for a whole recipe. I am obviously far too lazy to go to the store to purchase more. This decision, however, leaves me with measurements such as "1.5 eggs" and ".125 tsp salt". My own intelligence astounds me.

I puree some slimy beets, add my 1.5 eggs, sift a whole bunch of random crap together, and do all of the other tasks that look as though they were completed with such ease and peacefulness in the absurd video above. This is what we have going on at this point:



I then go to get the mixer to whip it all together.

Here is what I find in the bowl that belongs to said mixer:



Excellent. A freaking tarantula.

I scrap the mixer idea and stir everything together with a knife. (At this point, why not?)

Right about now, I am wanting to swap my sparkling grape juice with a bit of this:



I then shove the beet concoction in the oven for about five years and wait for the thing to bake.

All I can say is: this had better be the best freaking cake I have ever tasted.