Finals Week 2010.

I want to take a running jump out of a window right now.

Just a warning... if I am randomly acting like I hate you, I don't. I'm just running on one and a half hours of sleep. Which makes me feel like I want to slaughter anything that breathes, moves, or makes noise.

:)

In real life, and with rest, I really do love you. <3

-Lauren

Regards, Lauren.

Okay, so, there's this boy.

We met on Friday.

He has my number.

He was cool in person.

Over text message, he is absurd.

Upon giving my friend Cameron a play-by-play of this evening's texts, he composed a wonderful letter from me to him in the style of David Thorne.

Who is David Thorne?
Search no further, my uninformed friend: http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

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Dear Jar,

As much as I admire the valiant effort of a big, strong man to obtain a woman, I must admit that your recent methods of attempting to assert yourself into my pants have been more of a turn-off than your hidden sexual insecurities, which you attempt to cover by using foolish sexual come-ons. However, I do commend you on the brilliant use of the phrase “I’m a physical guy”. Normally, this phrase would only be used by bros with an aversion for stupid biddies, but you have clearly broken down many social norms in the search for love, which I naturally have to respect.

Once when I was very young, my parents (who also happened to be my teachers, due to my dedicated homeschooling) became aware of a boy next door who was flirting with me by tripping me, pulling my hair, and calling me names. When I came home crying after he called me a “snotty poopface”, my mother told me he probably just liked me. This belief was solidified when this boy came to my front door and proposed to me, using a “diamond ring” he had made out of the stem of a dandelion and a piece of rotten cheese. After I accepted his proposal, we “dated” for about fourteen minutes, before my parents told me it was time to come inside and finish doing calculus problems. When I started to walk away, the young boy stopped me and gave me a kiss on my hand. When I became happy with this, he said that he was “a pleaser of sorts”. I immediately broke up with him, because I thought this was a stupid thing to say. The seven-year-old self inside of me still believes that to be a childish phrase to this day.

I find myself wondering one thing. How could I have ever doubted that you were being true and not trying anything, especially with such choice phrases as “the only gal” and “a physical guy”? When you said that I was the only gal you were interested in, I was immediately reminded of a 1950s diner with root beer floats and men wearing Buddy Holly glasses. While you might think this repulsed me, in reality, I became very aroused, so perhaps you were right in saying it. I would like to meet up sometime to exchange saliva with you. I will not charge you a fee, though this is my usual practice, and I may even let you pick which marker I use to draw anarchist symbols on your chest and face. Please let me know when you would like to have this meeting.

Regards, Lauren.

Disney Channel Stars.

Okay, so...

I just watched Selena Gomez & The Scene's music video for her song Round and Round... and I have a couple of things I would like to address.

1. This music video is ridiculous.
Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfcvO2t8Ntg

2. Selena Gomez & The Scene??? Is she just arbitrarily making that "& The Scene" part up, or is she tag-teaming with some other band?

3. First ten seconds of the video:
-Selena walks up to a random wall.
-Selena puts on sunglasses and poses for no apparent reason.
-Selena walks away.

4. She then lights a match. To do what? To smoke? You're like sixteen.

5. Selena spends the majority of this video running away from creepy old men in fedoras. What will happen if they catch her? No one knows, because this video doesn't make any sense.

6. A sneak peek at the lyrics:
"You see me standing there and act like you don't know me. But last night you were calling me saying you want me."
Once again... you are like sixteen.

7. She then dances in the corner of a room between two light fixtures.

8. After this and some other random things, we watch her almost get hit by a speeding train. It turns out she's fine though, because we next catch up with Selena while she's creeping on someone through a telescope.

9. 1:45- Selena jogs by in her stilettos, while Man in Fedora #1 sprints after her like a crazy person. Good thing she finds a random wall to stand next to so he doesn't see her.

10. Some of my favorite lyrics:
"Love me or love me not,
I'm staring at the clock.
I pick them flower petals off,
and then I watch them drop."

First of all: "them" flower petals??? Enough said.
Second of all: What does this have to do with the music video?

11. 2:17- Selena is BFFs with the waiter at this restaurant, who leaves her a cryptic message in her mug saying "The Coffee is Dirty". She then gives the guy across the table from her a ridiculous amount of sass & walks away.

12. More dancing in the corner between the light fixtures.

13. 3:10- Man in Fedora is hanging from the railing of a staircase a la Mufasa in The Lion King. How did he get there? Nobody knows. We then watch him fall and die and the music video ends with Selena blowing out the match she lit in the beginning.

All of this to say:
Selena Gomez & The Scene know what's up.


-Lauren

Hidden Poetry.

I found this today in the piles of books and music on our piano.
I bet I would find lots of other surprises if I took a good look through my room.

Apparently, I wrote this on July 29th of 2009.

Violet whispers carry my thoughts away.
Catch them in your net that you save for butterflies.
Open up your hands and hold the tattered pages.
I will watch and pray that you won't skip even a word.

Please let this be worth it.
Mistakes- I have plenty.
Please let this be something you want to hold inside and call your own.
Please tell me my secrets mean something in this world.
And please don't tell a soul what I told.
Will you love me when I'm old?

Deep auburn shadows peel away the years of innocence and make-believe.
But hold fast to the fears.
Life is leaving memories wrapped in ribbons on our doorstep.
Take them carefully inside,
And open them like Christmastime.


Angst to the max. Yay!!!
-Lauren

For the Love of Theatre.

I enjoy theatre as much as anybody.
I enjoy it so much that I'm majoring in it.

However, I will not enjoy driving to a different state to see a play to write a paper on if my teacher decides that I cannot write one on a musical. As far as I can see, there are no theatres in my state that are putting on plays right now. And my paper is due Monday.

I don't really see the difference... plays and musicals are the same thing, for the purpose of my paper, anyway.

So, he just emailed me asking what theatre I would be planning to see White Christmas in (legitimately, EVERYONE is either doing White Christmas or A Christmas Carol and this is like the only one that starts before December (aka before the paper is due).

This theatre is within biking distance from my front door.
If he would let me see that, I could save a pointless trip to another state and avoid seeing a show called "Table Manners", which, while sounding totally thrilling, is not the top activity on my agenda for the day.




However, my agenda for the day DOES happen to include sitting here, going "please, please, please, please, pleeeease..." like a four-year-old until he emails me back. :)

Fashionnn.

I would love to be on a panel that puts clothes together for models to wear in magazines.
I feel like it would be fun...you just close your eyes and grab about 7 random articles of clothing and have them all be worn at the exact same time.

For example:


1. Random hat that looks like it came straight off of "Lizzie McGuire" or a Disney Channel Original Movie.

2. Necklace that looks weird with that top.

3. Shirt that depicts the rock layers of our planet.

4. .....Pleather shorts.

5. Really tall socks. I love tall socks, so that's fine, but then we pair them with:

6. Polka dot high heels. All of these things match so well.

7. Random ring and bracelet, just for fun.

This girl is apparently considered fashionable, and if I saw someone walking around wearing that, I'd think to myself:

1. That hat is stupid.
2. Even though I have spent the majority of this blog making fun of each of the items of clothing here, I like that this girl is just wearing what she wants. Which makes her cool.

So... maybe I'll spend more mornings with my eyes closed, randomly selecting items from my drawers?? :)

Harry Potter and Way Too Many Snakes.

I'm HOME!


Yessss.

So far, I have seen the new Harry Potter movie, relaxed, slept in way too late, gone to the mall, and watched lots of thrilling TV shows like "Pawn Stars" and "Swamp People".

1. Harry Potter
I just have a little question about this: WHY DID DOBBY DIE!? Okay, so...these people are witches and wizards. Therefore, they should be able to fix stuff like that, right?! And what happened to that bottle of magic healing stuff Hermione had in her huge purse? Did she use it all up on Ron or something? That might have been a little bit useful as Dobby was bleeding to death...

2. Swamp People
One of the weirdest shows I have seen lately. If you have a thing for hunting alligators in dirty swamp areas and seeing raw chicken dangling off of trees as bait, then you should totally check this out.

3. The mall
I purchased pink earmuffs at Forever21 yesterday. I wish there was a store closer than 78.1 miles from school.