3 Reasons it is too Freaking Difficult to be a Girl.

1. Society tell us to be tan.

So... I decide, following the idiot rules of society, to douse myself with this:



Yay. And we all know exactly what this is going to do. Yes, it will make me look alive and not like a freaking walking corpse... but it will also cling to my girl mustache and turn it orange. This is attractive. I could go to a tanning bed or something, but I would like to look like I'm 25 when I'm 50, so no thank you, dangerous light rays. So, here are my options: I either spend my young adult life ghostly white, or walking around like a big orange mistake. Thank you, society.

2. You have to try to match clothing.

This is not one of my special talents. I recently hung out with some friends wearing a purple tank top and navy gym shorts. Before I left the house, my mother asked me if I was going to actually wear that. I informed her that I was, but brought black gym shorts in the car with me in case I felt too mis-matchy. To save time and because I did not feel like changing my clothing in the car at the really tourist-filled parking lot... I kept the navy shorts on. I then proceeded to announce to my friends that I was aware that my clothing did not match...but it did not keep me from feeling like I had done a bad job of being a girl that morning.




(i'm in the back. you can tell because i'm the one in the purple tank top and i also look like i just crawled out of my grave, which is another great way to identify me in pictures.)

3. We are supposed to enjoy shoe shopping.

There are so many commercials with girls, like, rolling around in piles of shoes and throwing confetti and acting like it is something exciting to jam uncomfortable things onto your feet and try to teeter around and live your life.

Shoe shopping is not fun.



This picture is impossibly misleading. You cannot purchase love in the form of velvet pink stilettos.

While wearing the shoes in this picture, I would probably:

1. Complain about every five seconds. This gets old after about the second mention of the excruciating pain and wishes to take off the pink idiot shoes.
2. Take the freaking things off. This totally un-does the point of purchasing the shoes.
3. Whip out flip flops from my purse and wear them instead. Again, this defeats the purpose of shoe shopping and ruins your outfit (see #2 regarding mismatching clothing)

My idea of footwear?

1. None. Be crazy. Go barefoot.
2. Socks.
3. Flip flops.

There you have it... 3 reasons it is just too freaking difficult to be a girl.

-Lauren